Everything Is Overrated: MOBAs

Hi! Welcome to Everything Is Overrated, a brand new column where I rant and rave like a madman about things that even midly annoy me. By brand new, I mean it’s a revival of a blog I had a few years ago that I used to yell about things like cinemas, minions, The Big Bang Theory, dogs and memes. This time, however, I’ll be limiting myself to only ranting about gaming-related things. So sit back, relax, and be prepared to take everything I say with a pinch of salt because it’ll be hard to tell when I’m serious or just being an ass for the sake of it.

It’d be an understatement to say that MOBAs (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) are big these days. League of Legends holds the coveted title of most played game in the world, boasting over 27 million players daily, while Dota 2 players have collectively crowdfunded the prize pool for the game’s upcoming The International 2015 tournament up to a staggering 15 million dollars (and counting). MOBAs are big, guys. And they’re also terrible, awful games.

I’ve spent more time than I care to admit playing both League of Legends and Dota/Dota 2 (among all the others I’ve tried) over the last 6 or so years, but I only realised a few months ago that, really, I hate them with a passion and the only enjoyment I’ve got out of them was playing with friends and that brief but satisfying high I got when winning.

Too cartoony, can’t deny creeps. 0/10

They’re a breeding ground for toxicity

Raging 12 year olds in Call of Duty may have set the bar for terrible online multiplayer experiences pretty high, but MOBA communities somehow manage to be even worse than that. Your teammates will scream at you for needing to L2P and your enemies will rage at you for being a “lucker” when scoring kills or “ez” for dying pitifully. You’ll get shouted at no matter what you do.

Don’t believe me? I dare you to play one match of any MOBA. Even if it’s your first game ever and you expect to get matched with similarly skilled players, chances are you’ll run into someone on a smurf account who ends the game with a 46/0 K/D ratio while insulting their teammates for not knowing every nuanced detail about the game in their first match.

The competitive environment attracts and creates the worst kind of humans who think winning a game is more important than having fun playing it. MOBAs aren’t like most other multiplayer games that have 5 minute rounds where the outcomes of individual kills serve only to increase your score; they’re 20 to 90 minute matches where being killed gives the other team more gold (in the case of Dota 2, takes away from yours as well) and lets them claw further and further ahead. Every little mistake feels like another nail in your team’s coffin.

There’s a level of teamwork and communication required that just won’t ever happen from throwing 5 people together and forcing them to rely on each other. The desire to win is intoxicating and watching teammates throw away your chance at victory can make even the best of people act like a right twat. Reliance on others is hard even when things are going well, IRL and in-game.

No skillshots, too shiny. 0/10

Dat learning curve

How anyone even gets into playing MOBAs, I’ll never understand. There isn’t a single genre out there that’s as unfriendly to newcomers. Not one. While the idea of “destroy the other team’s base while protecting yours” seems simple enough, there’s a metric shit-ton of things you need to learn when starting your grim journey into MOBA addiction. Some of them include:

• An entire language’s worth of terminology (I’m not even joking).
• Game mechanics  that make little to no sense to someone who’s never played a MOBA before, ike orb walking and pulling.
• 100+ heroes/champions/gods and each of the four or more skills they can use to ruin your day.
• Dozens upon dozens of items and the most optimal ones to build for each of the aforementioned 100+ heroes/champions/gods.

Worst of all, nearly none of this knowledge translates to other MOBAs. Spent hours learning the different item builds in LoL? Sorry, gotta learn a whole set of new ones if you want to play Dota 2. You know how towers in Dota 2 prioritise the closest unit attacking it? Well, they’re called turrets in LoL and function completely differently.

Most players’ first experience delving into the world of MOBAs will be exciting, confusing, exhilarating and intense. They’ll lose over and over again yet keep coming back for more. You’d think it would take a special kind of masochist to enjoy playing a MOBA but the sheer number of players these games have says otherwise.

Can’t even buy items. 0/10

Every developer wants a piece of the MOBA pie

But not everyone can have it. League of Legends and Dota 2 are king, and probably won’t be dethroned for years to come. Sure, some have managed to squeeze their way in by carving out a niche in the market (SMITE) or being from a longstanding developer whose games were the birthplace of the genre (Blizzard with Heroes of the Storm) but for the most part, other MOBAs just can’t feasibly last.

EA tried with Dawngate, but cancelled it 6 months after entering open beta. The popularity of the DC Comics universe couldn’t save Warner Bros.’ Infinite Crisis from being shut down less than 3 months after officially launching. The MOBA market may be a big one, but games in the genre require a level of commitment and dedication that isn’t conducive to playing more than one. As I’ve explained before, being proficient in one MOBA doesn’t mean you’ll understand anything more than the absolute basics of others.

The hundreds of hours it takes to learn how to play a MOBA means most stick to just one, and why would you put that effort into learning a game you aren’t sure will last more than a few months? I personally may have played both Dota 2 and LoL (and SMITE, Dawngate, Infinite Crisis and Heroes of the Storm to a lesser degree) but I know for sure that I’m an anomaly in that regard. Switching between the two is confusing because they “feel” and play very differently despite all the similarities they share. It’s nothing like playing both Call of Duty and Battlefield.

MOBAs aren’t third person. 0/10

The worst part, though

Is how ridiculously fucking addictive MOBAs are. You’ll push through the terrible teammates and awful enemies because the desire to win and become better at the game is intoxicating. There was a time where I’d spend every free moment reading lengthy champion guides, entering custom matches to practice last hitting, and queueing up for “just one more” game because the outcome of the last wasn’t favourable.

MOBAs may be decent enough on paper, but it’s really hard to play one without becoming hopelessly addicted. Most Dota 2 and League of Legends players can probably point to a time in their life where they neglected responsibilities or loved ones because they were putting way, way too much time into playing. I know I can, and many of my friends (and even some fellow writers here at EGMR) have admitted to having had the same problem.

When thinking about video game addiction, the first thing that comes to mind is the people who’ve died after playing World of Warcraft or some other MMO for 3 days straight. But since MOBAs have taken over MMOs as the world’s most played genre, wouldn’t it be fair to assume that they’ve also got a higher amount of addicted players?

Either way, I’ve stopped playing both Dota 2 and League of Legends almost entirely. They’re terrible, addictive games full of horrible, angry people who are more interested in winning than enjoying themselves. If that’s the type of experience you’re interested in, you may as well just hire a dominatrix to get you off while you do online poker.

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