Abyssal Pixels: I Have Mirror Syndrome

No, not that rare thing that can sometimes affect pregnant woman, which I just found out moments ago. Although being pregnant might explain this overwhelming craving I have for cookies. During my time with this site I’ve written a lot of articles about immersion, narratives, emotions and so on with regards to gaming. Ad nauseum, I would say. I’ve always been an emotional guy and games have managed to influence my emotions in more ways than one. Instead of focusing on ethical issues or criticism within my columns like my fellow writers do, I’ve usually written about the artistic merits inherent in gaming. To kind of balance out the amount of jaded going on.

However, I’ve recently come to a realisation about myself and how I perceive emotions. I mirror them from whatever source is in front of me. For example, if someone is depressed, I become depressed even if I have no reason to be. If I’m in a cheerful crowd with happy people, I adopt that collective emotion, even if I’m depressed out of my mind. I’m sure there’s some fancy psychological theory to explain this phenomena, but I’m on holiday from university right now and even seeing an academic essay will make me start punching walls. There’s probably some specific reason why I’m like this thanks to my checkered past and my history with emotional neglect, but fuck if we’re going into that territory right now.

One might say that we all experience something like what I mentioned, but I think my case is a little more intense because it translates to things that don’t exist, namely games. I’m strongly affected by games on an emotional level. I would think I’m getting a more intense experience from heavily story focused games because my emotional involvement is intensified thanks to me mirroring the emotions felt on screen. In a basic sense, I become the protagonist of whatever game I’m playing.

I’ve noticed it quite strongly with The Witcher 3 throughout the 200 hours I’ve put into the game already. It wasn’t really Geralt that affected me since he was designed to be as emotionally detached as possible to allow you to project onto him. The tragic things that often happen around him were what caused me to feel such strong emotions due to their thematic power and there were a ton of these instances on a frequent basis. The Witcher 3 made me depressed, sad, happy, cheeky, troubled, hopeless and ecstatic all in the space of one session.

Other more story driven games have always had a great impact on me such as The Walking Dead and The Last of Us that made me cry, Persona 4 that sent me into an emotional maelstrom and Spec Ops The Line that made me hate myself. This is why I have such high admiration for these games because they really had an effect on me. And sometimes other people don’t get that. If I can provide a baseless explanation for why, it’s that they distance themselves to what is on screen.

Gaming is a more cerebral activity for me and I invest my mind into it as much as I can while other gamers may see it only as a piece of entertainment. That emotional connection isn’t as intense as someone such as me. That is still perfectly okay since we all can’t feel the same about everything, but I can’t help but wonder if they are missing out on something special that games manage to achieve. Because of gaming’s level of interactivity, a new element of emotional involvement is present that you can’t find anywhere else. That is of course the sense of agency that you have with the actions that take place within the game. You killed that innocent person for no reason, you caused the collapse of an entire empire, making it fall into anarchy.

Games can make you feel guilty or responsible, which is something that no other medium can achieve. You can’t feel guilty while reading a book (unless it’s 50 Shades of Grey, but then you should feel ashamed) or watching a movie. That special element is often lost with some people because they disassociate themselves with the game they are playing. This can be seen as involuntary because having such a strong investment in something non-existent isn’t really natural. Sometimes these types of gamers enjoy the visceral aspects of gaming such as twitch and skill based gameplay involved in multiplayer games or just like a fun shooter or a sports game.

Us gamers are diverse, but we’re diverse in more ways than the usual gender and race aspects. Our personalities dictate what sort of games we enjoy. For someone like me that mirrors emotions, I enjoy striking narratives and becoming involved in characters while someone that emotionally disassociates themselves from gaming might enjoy it based on mechanics and the skill involved. Thankfully, there is something for everyone to enjoy now.

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